Lighthouse and Hospital: Story, Support, Shepherding Set Marriage Ministry at Preston Trail Community Church Apart

By Amy Morgan

Sonya Jacobs serves as Marriage and Care Pastor at Preston Trail Community Church, located in the Frisco/McKinney area north of Dallas. A commissioned, ordained pastor, Sonya’s earned a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling, has a bachelor’s degree from New Orleans seminary and is certified in RelateStrong and Prepare/Enrich. She and her husband, Warren, (the church’s worship pastor) have been building ministry at Preston Trail for the past 18 years. They had been serving happily in a church in Atlanta for eight years when one of their pastors approached Warren about becoming the worship leader for a church plant in Frisco. Two decades ago, the far north Dallas suburb was just beginning to boom. The area was exploding as young, double income families with children came to work at the new companies springing up virtually overnight. Most were transplants from elsewhere with no family close by, no childcare, and no ready-made church affiliation. Many tech workers were from India and had a Hindu religious background. These Gen. X and Millennial families needed parenting and marriage support. Preston Trail was perfectly positioned to grow with the community.

The church sponsored a Divorce Care group and Men’s and Women’s groups – but those were the extent of their offerings.

The church leaders agreed that a healthy couple creates a healthy family and ultimately leads to a healthy community. With a congregation of 400, Preston Trail was just beginning to dip their toe into the marriage and family ministry waters. The two senior pastors knew Sonya had a counseling degree, so when someone would call the church with a marriage in crisis, they’d ask Sonya to step in. She was asked to look into growing Preston Trail’s marriage program from the ground up. She started working just five hours a week with pre-marital couples, an area in which she was already certified, then began planning workshops, leading classes and hosting weekends to discern pain points and needs. Preston Trail’s offerings now include a robust complement of programs to meet people in every age and stage of marriage.

Preston Trail’s pre-marriage boot camp, approved by Together in Texas, runs four times a year. Sonya steps in for the welcome and the session on sexual intimacy, but otherwise, passionate lay leaders spearhead the sessions.

In her quest to build Preston Trail’s marriage ministry, Sonya networked with other churches that were a little farther ahead, researching respected programs at Saddleback Church, Willow Creek and Northpoint. But the one that resonated with Sonya the most was Re|Engage, created just down the road at Watermark. She was impressed by the story of leader Susan Cox, the program’s foundation on solid biblical principles, as well as its hallmark of incorporating authentic personal testimonies. Watermark’s team was “so gracious,” Sonya said, offering leadership workshops and bringing a team in person to support Preston Trail’s kickoff. Re|Engage was originally targeted to help hurting marriages, a scope that has since widened to encompass anyone who desires to intentionally, spiritually invest in their marriage. Now the program serves double duty, reaching those whose marriages need enrichment as well as the ones in trouble.

While Preston Trail began by following Re|Engage’s original open group format, Sonya found after the pandemic that starting a new cohort once a semester fits better with their church calendar and audience. Preston Trail offers a session in the spring and in the fall, each with a definitive beginning and end. This arrangement provides several benefits. There’s more structured support and time off for the leaders – everyone is on the same page, Sonya said. The church can point newcomers to a specific start date, and the concluding celebration is more of an event. Preston Trail plans each semester “graduation” with a big finale that involves approximately 120 people. They provide a beautifully decorated wedding cake and a photo booth to add excitement and festivity.

Sonya has created a “bridge gap” to support a couple who needs marital help before the next semester begins. While she counsels herself, she also keeps a trusted list of professional to which the church refers. Preston Trail has accrued a group of people who have lay experience or mentorship training so they can intentionally meet needs where someone is hurting.

Support Groups

Preston Trail has found value in allowing support groups to develop organically sparked by a passionate individual rather than trying to fit hurting people into a one-size-fits-all program. “We diversified,” Sonya said. Preston Trail undergirds approximately 20 support groups serving very niche needs. Usually, one begins because someone wounded in some way found healing, probably in another church, and asked to start a group, Sonya said. Or a couple in the process of healing their marriage realized they needed to deal with another issue – like AA or betrayal. Sonya has someone who wants to start a group sign Preston Trail’s shepherd leader agreement, after which she takes a hands-off approach. Group leaders do their own social media and marketing, while the church staff helps with registration and gives them space to meet.

Preston Trail houses everything from Grief Share to Financial Peace to Hope Mommies, a group for people struggling with infertility or child loss. Embrace Life is a resource for teen moms who’ve chosen life for their babies. “We want to be a visual light in the darkness,” Sonya said.

Sometimes a church member or staff leader will recommend a counselor or professional in the community who has specialized skills. Sonya often will ask them to lead a marriage conference breakout session to test the waters. “It’s good exposure for them,” she said, “and it is good for us to be able to access experienced, quality professionals.”

In April, Preston Trail hosts a marriage retreat experience that’s billed as a getaway. Approximately 50 people gather at a resort on nearby Lake Texoma to relax. Amenities include a sunset boat cruise and goodie bag stocked with chocolates and bubbles. While participants complete self-led exercises to work on their marriage vision, the goal is to make it easy for busy couples to make a connection weekend away possible.

Solid teaching is the highlight of Preston Trail’s summer marriage conference. 400-500 attendees will hear a Friday night keynote speaker and attend Saturday breakout sessions. Sonya plans topics to make sure there’s space for all issues – something for empty nesters and parents of young children. 2024’s keynote speaker addressed how mental health affects marriage. Topics included dealing with a spouse with ADHD, menopause, midlife crisis and depression. At first speakers thought Sonya was crazy for scheduling during the summer, but she said that time frame works for her audience. People’s calendars are not crowded with kids’ sports at that time. Dallas is hot, people are a little bored of summer and have taken their vacations, she added. And a July date avoids the hazard of a February ice storm to which Dallas is especially prone – a problem that derailed conferences in the past.

Preston Trail’s newest offering is the opportunity for a few couples willing to invest in something novel to join Sonya and Warren on a marriage adventure. They’ve taken couples sailing in the British Virgin Islands and hope to plan a hiking trip to Spain.

After eighteen years, Sonya feels Preston Trail’s marriage program has begun to work like a well-oiled machine. The church has offered Re|Engage for a decade, the summer marriage conference is in its fifth year, and the skilled, invested team seems to have found its groove.

Preston Trail offers its church staff a discount to attend events, and many have been ministered to by their experience, so there’s no shortage of people willing to invest in making the events successful, Sonya said. “The staff has seen the benefit, and they love being part of it. Volunteers (from Preston Trail’s marriage team) run the whole thing. They have ownership and buy in. They know it is not Sonya’s ministry or Preston Trail’s ministry – it’s theirs.”

“I don’t have to hunt for people to serve,” she added. “We don’t have to ask, beg or plead. I have 80 volunteers that are the warriors. The Holy Spirit has done a beautiful work in so many marriages, and when people find there’s an opportunity to share what God has done in their own story, they catch the passion of the ‘Why’ and can’t wait to be part of it. It’s naturally spirit led. I’m just the wind beneath their wings.”

Two key practices foster Preston Trail’s ability to recruit such willing volunteers.

Sonya devotes much of her time and effort to intentionally shepherding and nurturing her leaders.

Every Monday before Re|Engage meets, the 30-person leadership group gathers for an hour to fellowship, share a meal, pray for and encourage each other. “That’s my opportunity to disciple my leaders,” she said. They come straight from work and need the respite – time for her to pour into them with food, love, scripture and discipleship. “It’s my time to be the cheerleader,” she said. “I love it, and they love it. Being a mentor is a big ask – they don’t just check a box. We’re asking them to do some serious work helping a couple going from good to great or a couple in crisis. They may not have time to be in another group. That group of leaders are the base of my marriage team – they love all things marriage.”   

Another unique characteristic is Preston Trail’s emphasis on story.

“We share story a lot,” Sonya said. “All of our stories matter. When we are transparent and authentic with what God has done in our lives, it spills out and is contagious in the best way.” Pastors share from the platform, couples give their testimony as part of Re|Engage, and its common that a couple share part of their story during the service. “It could be a recovery story, a marriage story —– it doesn’t have to be porn addiction or infidelity. There’s no anonymity in this place.” Preston Trail even shares stories (with permission) on Facebook and Instagram. “When people realize the authenticity and vulnerability, that they are not the only ones, they feel safe to share, too,” Sonya said. “If we want to reach the younger generations, they can sniff out a lack of authenticity.”

Sonya and Warren are open about their own marriage story. High school sweethearts – they married when they were 20. “We thought love would keep us together!” Sonya said. Both came from divorced families and had learned patterns of avoidance. They did not know how to communicate well or deal with conflict. They followed a path of student ministry into ministry as a vocation and struggled in a denomination that didn’t talk about problems. It wasn’t until they had been married a decade that Sonya found a group of older women she could trust who encouraged them to get counseling.

“We felt inept. Nobody told us how to communicate better,” Sonya said. “The counseling experience was life changing. They took our marriage down to the ground level and rebuilt it. God gave us a vastly new marriage with the same people.” (The couple will soon celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary.)

In addition to the couple’s work at Preston Trail, the Jacobs also officiate weddings and offer counseling, training, workshops, and events through their own non-profit, Enjoy Your Marriage (enjoyyourmarriage.org).

Sonya said they were motivated to reach a broader audience with the message that marriage is a gift. “We saw so many people just enduring their marriages, staying together but miserable,” she said. “The older they get the more bitter and resentful they are. Marriage was meant to be a beautiful gift when experienced in its fulness.”

Sonya currently is working on a curriculum that will explore this theme and teach couples to value each other as God-given helpmates. “God shows us how much he loves us through the vehicle of marriage – more people have got to know about that!” She enthused.

As a counselor, she’s seen how spouses unintentionally hurt each other. “Women need to feel safe, seen and cherished, to be told they are not too much. Men need to feel respected, needed and wanted. How many men don’t feel needed or wanted? People need to know how to enjoy the gift of marriage.”

With the older two of the Jacobs’ three children now planning weddings of their own, Sonya said she won’t ever tell them (or anyone else) the oft repeated warning, “Marriage is hard.” “Marriage is not hard!” she said. “Marriage takes intentionality. It takes effort. But you do want you want to do. Choose your hard. The grass is greener where you water it.”

When asked how she achieved buy-in from Preston Trail’s leadership, Sonya reports that both senior pastors are excited about marriage and want people to find help. They even teach at Re|Engage. “They know the stats, that healthy couples create healthy churches,” Sonya added. They wholeheartedly support marriage ministry and empower her work.

Her budget is rarely an issue, Sonya said, because her events mainly self-fund. Preston Trail charges couples for the Re|Engage curriculum and childcare and adds in a little extra to cover the cost of the leadership dinners and graduation celebration. The pre-marriage boot camps are also free for the church to sponsor – couples pay Prepare/Enrich directly for their assessment and receive $60 off their marriage license through Together in Texas.

Sonya saves space for the conference and retreat in the church budget, but they backfill the funds afterward. She doesn’t even reserve the rooms at the lake resort – couples pay for those directly. And she enlists members of the congregation and marriage team ask their contacts for prizes for the events.

“Dallas is so blessed with fun things, we are able to get gift cards to restaurants, even a hot air balloon ride!” Sonya said.

Not only do Preston Trail’s programs strengthen marriages, they provide a perfect opportunity to evangelize unbelievers – right in the heart of Texas. “People of every faith get married. Every marriage hits a spot where they need some help,” Sonya said. She points to a couple from a Hindu background who attending a summer marriage conference because they’d noticed a breakout group on parenting on a neighborhood web page. Afterward, they signed up for Re|Engage because they were hurting more than they had realized. Their marriage had been arranged by parents far away, and they were miserable, Sonya noted. The couple had never gone through the process of dating, creating connection and falling in love. They ended up accepting Christ and becoming part of the Preston Trail church family. They have now had a third child and call the church their home.

When asked about how she reaches those from other faith backgrounds, Sonya explained that she’s found Hindus, in particular, understand Jesus as “one of” the manifestations of God. She can start by speaking to them on this place of common ground.  In counseling, she makes sure to go deeper into the Gospel. The key that unlocks the door is grace. “I ask them to explain what grace means in Hinduism, and they can’t answer that – it’s absent from their religious experience.

“Marriage is still more universal than people say,” Sonya added. “The red state people are still getting married - look at the waiting lists for wedding venues!” Marriage provides a universal opportunity to reach people – because marriages always go through something.

“Maybe you had a fight and feel miserable, you have a felt need. Maybe you need to be discipled and learn how to function and heal when you hurt each other. It’s easy to be a hospital and lighthouse when people are hurting,” she said. “We have a burning passion to help people enjoy their spouse. People are not enjoying marriage because they haven’t been taught how. Marriage is such a vehicle to transform you into the image of the likeness of Christ. I will never be enough to love my husband the way he deserves to be loved, but Jesus will be more than enough.”

Sharing story, shepherding, evangelizing, addressing pain points, explaining grace … all done well at Preston Trail to build a thriving, vibrant community where marriages are supported and prioritized. For those hoping to replicate the experience, Sonya suggests starting where she did. Look around at other nearby churches just a little farther ahead and reach out for advice and mentorship. As Watermark generously shared with her, Sonya’s happy to help.